DENTAL WORK

I just had oral surgery. Well not 'just', I guess it was more like two weeks ago. I've been stuck inside the house the entire time, only leaving for necessities - like MCL, and shopping, of course. I am careful to cover my mouth so as not to frighten the public.
It was the kind of surgery where the doctor uses power tools and drills into your jawbone. I was having dental implants put in, which are tiny titanium screws that act like a 'root.' Two months from now, the teeth will be 'screwed' into the implants. I'll have beautiful, perfect teeth, but for now, I'm missing four. It's horrific, really.
I was given two halcyon tablets beforehand, which were 'guaranteed' to put me to sleep. When I woke up after surgery, I was told that a kind of blissful amnesia would sweep over me, and I'd have "no memory" of the procedure. Surgery that would, in the end, have me looking like a toothless popstar after a bar fight.
The nurse smiled happily as she guided me to my dental chair, "You'll be asleep soon!", she said. I was painfully aware of the fact that I was nowhere near sleep. My heart was thudding, and I glanced at the tools on the tray next to me; they were big, sharp, shiny things with heavy buttons, razor-sharp points, and swivel heads. I saw needles the length of my feet. I began to sweat profusely.
The doctor came in quickly. He was a small man, who was always moving around quickly. Like he had ADHD, or something like that. He had a strange look in his eyes as he glanced over towards the tools on the tray, I swear, I saw fire flames instead of pupils when he glanced back at me. He rubbed his hands together, and grinned down at me, "Let's get started!"
"HEY!" I said, starting to tremble, "I'm not asleep! I WANT TO BE ASLEEP! PUT ME TO SLEEP, NOW!!!" Suddenly, I couldn't control the level of my voice, I grabbed the doctor's arm.
He laughed, like I had just said something really absurd, like, "DO ME, FLAVOR FLAAAAAV!!!!!!" He shook his head, "No, no. We can't use general anesthetics in this office. I believe we're a bit ill-equipped in that department. I'm just going to numb you up, and you won't feel a thing!" Of course, I did. I felt each and every numbing shot - eight, in total.
And then it began. The constant drilling was the most high-pitch noise I've ever had to sit through. I was constantly gripping the armrests and moaning as if my arms were being cut off. Three hours later, I came out of the office, stumbling from shock. My brain felt like it had been shaken a hundred times over, and I was breathing as if I'd just run the New York Marathon. My mouth was full of gauze, and blood was dripping down my chin. Sexy.
I came home that night and slept a beautiful vicodin-induced sleep. The next morning, I woke up after the best sleep I'd ever had and was very pleased at the lack of pain I was feeling. I went into the bathroom and did a double-take when I recognized the monster in the mirror starring back as ME. My face was swollen, my under-eyes were black and blue, and I looked shockingly like Cindy-Lou-Who. I cried out in horror. I began to sob, loudly.
It would be five days until the swelling would go down. But, two weeks later, I am still without teeth. It's really quite depressing. Luckily, my wonderful parents aren't making me go to school until my retainer with teeth is ready on Monday. Bless them! Going to school right now would be a cruel and heinous form of torture. I think I'd end my own life.
For now, I'll be in bed watching reruns of Jon & Kate Plus Eight, eating sliced apples, and enjoying marathons of Beverly Hills 90210.
Thank God for good tv.